After all that’s happened (um, I’m kind of a big deal now! kidding.. no, I’m not!). But, after all of the “traffic” on my blog (weird, who thought I’d ever write that?!), I’m a bit nervous to write. I actually have a different post drafted and well, it stinks. Because I thought about it too much. I did. I got nervous and realized that lots and lots of people are going to start reading this and using it and I got nervous and thought I’d have to write this wonderful post and well, that’s not me…
So here’s my real post. And I’m writing it because of an email I received from my mom. She forwarded a message from one of her neighbors who sent my blog to her mom. It was sweet and made me cry since it was EXACTLY why I’m writing this blog. I’m writing this for me and people like me. I’m writing this for anyone who is a caregiver especially one of a spouse. And trust me, you don’t have to be a caregiver for very long to understand what it’s like nor do you have to care for someone with a spinal cord injury. Having a loved one go through a life changing event and then having to rely on you for help is incredibly difficult for both parties; especially the caregiver. That’s why I’m here.
I know what it’s like. I know what you’re thinking. I know what you’re feeling. I know what you’re going through on a daily basis. I know what it’s like to want to give in and throw in the towel. I have literally done that… I was in the kitchen and just couldn’t take it any longer and threw down the dish towel and walked out of the house. I couldn’t do it anymore. And yes, throwing a mini hissy fit and storming out did indeed help. I went outside and cooled off and after 15 minutes, gathered myself and went back to my life. This stuff is hard. It”s excruciating some days. It takes a level of strength that I never thought I had in me and honestly, I’m not sure where it comes from… but it’s there and I’ve realized that we all have it. We just have to have faith in ourselves. We are all strong. We can all do this! Some days you have to dig deeper for the strength than others but it’s there. I promise.
I have to admit that writing this all done is pretty overwhelming. It brings all of the feelings that I’m pushed to the side right to the surface again. One of my coping mechanisms is to push the feelings too the side and forget about them. The right thing to do? Probably not. I’m guessing I’m a therapists DREAM but who in the hell has time to be analyzed like that?! Not I. I know what I’m doing and I do it on purpose so I guess I’m ahead of the game, right? But for a long time, I did push everything to the side. These feelings hurt. They cut. They are deep, deep feelings that take my breath away and I’d prefer to ignore them and keep moving forward. But I guess that I have to deal with them at some point too.
Consider this me healing with you since that’s what we’re doing. We, caregivers, are trying to heal to be the best that we can be in our current situations. We all know that things aren’t going to change quickly, We hope that they do change but, we’re honest and now that it will take time and a lot of work. If we can do what we can for ourselves and for each other now, to help each other heal and learn how to live again, it will help us in the long run and those we care for…
So, as a request, pass this on to a caregiver or someone who knows one. We need to come together to help each other heal.