Oh that’s just his wife…

Yes, someone said that…  about me!  JUST his wife?  JUST HIS WIFE??!!!   That’s insulting even if I was JUST his wife.  I am a person.  I have a name.  It’s Erin.  But because my husband is in a wheelchair, most people have NO IDEA what my name is or who I am.  I know my husband is in a wheelchair.  I know it’s a HUGE wheelchair that sometimes is all you can see and that sometimes, I tend to stand behind since, I don’t want to get run over.  Apparently, because of this, I am reduced to ‘just the wife.’  Or, my favorite, just his caregiver.

The biggest slap in the face moment was when I attended an event without the quad for the first time.  He and I had been working together on a project and he couldn’t attend one of the events with me, so I struck out alone.  Out of the TEN people we had been working with CLOSELY on the project only ONE of them recognized me and knew my name.  I had reintroduce myself to everyone.

Okay, listen…  and listen closely all.  I am not JUST the quad’s wife.  I am a huge force to be reckoned with so thinking that it’s okay to put me in my place, even unintentionally, is not going to fly.  ever.  I am the reason why the quad is doing so well.  I AM THE REASON WHY MY FAMILY IS DOING SO WELL!  Even the quad will agree.  I am the driving force behind the We Rock family.  And you know what?  The quad rolls because I do indeed rock. 

You know the old adage, “Behind every great man stands a great woman?”  It’s true.  And it’s true the other way around even.  People stand strong because of the support that they have behind them.  The quad is great because of me.  I am great because of the quad.  However, because of the quad’s injury, my greatness is overlooked since his is so easy to see.

And trust me, it is.  He is amazing every day in what he does and accomplishes.  But so am I and so are all caregivers and it’s time for people to realize it and see it.  We are amazing!  We are strong!  We have strength that most cannot comprehend.  Being a caregiver is not for the weak. 

I am a…  wife, mom, dog walker, cook, therapist (mind, body and soul), wheelchair repairman, laundromat, butler, receptionist, gardener, driver, house keeper, nurse, comedian, bartender, snow plow, seamstress, playmate and everything else that is needed in my house by those that live there with me.  I am a caregiver.  I am a person.  My name is Erin.

7 Comments on “Oh that’s just his wife…

  1. I don’t want this to sound insulting, I’m honestly just curious about this.

    Why do you call your husband “the quad” on your blog? We know your name, you use your name, particularly in this post, but you don’t use his. I’m finding that a tad dehumanizing, though I’m certain that isn’t your intention!

    Is there a post that explains this?

    • It’s not an insulting question at all. He prefers that I not use his name although it’s not hard to figure it out. So, since I call him the quad at home (formerly known as the super quad), I just call him the quad here. It’s kind of more or less because I’ve always called him that… you know? But he would prefer that I not use his name.

    • You know, now I need to ask him if he’s still okay if I refer to him as the quad! I don’t want to dehumanize him… poor guy… I’m guessing he won’t have an issue with it (fingers crossed he still doesn’t)but well, it’s nice to hear others views on it so thanks for asking.

      • Thanks for answering! That makes sense. Maybe you could do a short post about it for new visitors to understand!

        I do know lots of bloggers that use nicknames for their husbands, so yeah, I see where you’re coming from.

      • Good idea. Blogging is still so new so feedback is great! I want to make it easy for people to know what’s going on and who I am so I’ll see what I can do. Thanks!!!

  2. You know, it’s funny that you say that since the more I vocalize things here, the stronger I find myself outside of this and more willing to speak up especially at work. As for moms that stay at home, I bow to you since I could NEVER do that! I love the kid but I also love being away from her and having adult time… ha! and thank you!!!

  3. When you get your voice outside of this blog you’ll be some force to be reckoned with! We all get over looked though. I used to crack up when I became a stay at home mom as some people thought I had nothing to contribute, so once they asked “what do you do?” and I told them they used to move on. Now I have found myself it is less likely to happen. I have no fear for you. You are doing great and you will be amazing.

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