The Quad’s Wife

I am the quad’s wife.  I am sarcastic.  I love to laugh.  I also love to make others laugh.  I do not take things seriously.  unless I have to and that’s usually only once in a while…  I have dealt with some serious, SERIOUS things in my life and because of it, I’ve realized that everything else is a piece of cake.  So, I find no reason to take life too seriously and I plan on passing into onto my child.

So…  I dance in the kitchen.  I sing at the top of my lungs.  I laugh for no good reason other than to laugh.  I stop and actually smell the roses and other flowers.  I enjoy the scenery and take a look around me when I’m out.  I LOVE people watching!  They make me laugh the most…  We have ice cream for dinner (much to the dismay of my husband).  I have learned to enjoy life again and am doing my best to get my family to enjoy it too.  Now, don’t get me wrong here, life still gets in the way with downers and bad days but I have learned to work through them and look to the next day to start over.  I was so worried after the hubby’s injury that he had lost his sense of humor.  It was one of the things I loved about him!  For a few years, he barely smiled and laughed.  Then it slowly started to come back and this year, it’s coming back in full force.  It’s so nice to see it again since I was so worried…   My hubby is coming back to me!  I missed him so it’s nice to have him back…

Yes, I call my husband “the quad.”  I honestly don’t think about it since I’ve gotten so used to calling him that….  I’m actually glad someone asked about it!  My hubby doesn’t want me to use his name although it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out who he is…  but, because of his wishes, I don’t use his name nor do I use our daughter’s.  So, I refer to them as ‘the quad’ and ‘the kid.’  I even asked.  He’s okay with it.  Although he said he prefers Super Quad.   I have to admit that I call him the quad for two reasons; 1. because I’m not serious and 2. because I like that it makes others uncomfortable. Yes, it’s true.  That’s actually the main reason why I do it…  It doesn’t make US uncomfortable but tends to make others.  And I like it.  I like it because it gets people to ask questions.  It starts a conversation. It gets people to step outside of their comfort zone and see something and talk about different.   That different thing is the life we live every day.  It’s not different to us anymore but others are afraid to ask for fear of being inappropriate.  I don’t blame them since I used to do the same thing.  I understand.  So I force the issue.  It’s actually helped us out quite a bit and those around us are no longer afraid to ask questions.  Also, the quad and I are quite inappropriate.  We were before his injury and have gotten worse because of it.  But it makes us laugh!  And that’s what has helped bring us back together.

So the quad and the kid.  The two I share my house with…  the two I care for on a daily basis.  The two I love.  Those two are my life.  My entire world.  My happiness.  My heart.  (THEY MAKE ME CRAZY but I love them.)  The quad and I have known each other for almost 14 years.  FOURTEEN YEARS!  It’s weird thinking about that…  we met in college, dated for a year, broke up for two and then found our way back to each other.  He’s my guy.  Technically, we had known each other for over 8 years by the time he was injured but were only husband and wife for two.   We have now been married longer with our new normal than before…

Before he was injured, our life was like this…  The quad cooked, did the outside work and took care of the finances and well, took care of me.  he made me lunches…  yes, I was spoiled!  He mainly did it so I didn’t waste money and buy lunch but well, he made me lunch!  and he cooked!  Boy could that man cook.  He was my rock.  I leaned on him way more than he leaned on me.  He did everything.  he was my everything.

Then he got hurt and the tables turned and I had to take that role.  It was not a role that I was comfortable with either…  I didn’t want it.  I liked how things were before for us.  My strong, confident husband took charge and I followed and it was what I wanted and needed at the time.  In a second, it changed.  I had to learn how to be the rock.  I had to step up and take care of the house, inside and out, and the finances (I like to spend..  not a good combo) and I HAD TO COOK.  Like anyone in my house wanted that one…  I once burned spaghetti.  I did.  Ask my college roommates.  It’s true.  I’m ashamed….  But it’s true.

Although not a position I wanted to be in, I had to take over for our family.  We had a child.  We had a life.  We needed to keep moving forward and I begrudgingly stepped into the role.  I held it against my husband for a long while.  I was angry.  Why do I have to do this?  This was HIS job!  not mine!  I’m not good at this!  I’m not good at being confident and strong!  I’m not good at taking over and making sure everything gets done!  I’m not!

Turns out I am.  I’m quite good at it actually.  To the point that I tend to steamroll everyone over and take total control…  so I’m working that piece out still.  Now that we have finally found a happy place, we are trying to figure out the best roles for each other in our family….  We fight about it.  But we have realized that we need to work as a team and that we need each other and we need each other to do certain things.  The quad still does the finances.  THANK GOD!  Since let’s face it, if he wanted me to do it our savings would be gone…  I LOVE SHOPPING!  You need a shirt?!  Let’s get four!  So he has stepped up and taken over the things that he can and should and I’ve stepped back and let him.  And we are starting to have our balance back.  We are starting to get our relationship back.  I hugged him the other day and said ‘you know what?  for the first time in five years, I’m happy that this is our family.’  That’s HUGE!  HUGE!!!!  And it was completely true.  I love him.  He is my life.  He is my guy.  I will do whatever needs to be done to ensure that he lives a full life and grows old with me.  He has his spinal cord injury working against him but I’ll change that…  I refuse to grow old without him.  I need him there.

4 thoughts on “The Quad’s Wife

  1. two comments here:

    I was recently getting my eyebrows done and the woman took a step back and said, “you smile a lot, you are happy, keep smiling.” and I took it as an incredible compliment. Because even though my son has an SCI, and we’ve gone through ups and downs, I am happy. I will be. I won’t let life bring me down, I won’t.

    Secondly, I am so glad that things are going so well for you. You are not only making it work, you are enjoying your life. You deserve it.

    1. Hugs. I think of you often. Glad you’re taking care of yourself. My eyebrows are terrible… I should look into that too…

    1. You are completely correct. We’re getting back to it, thankfully. It’s taken a few years but we’re getting there!

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