A caregiver’s plea

I’ve been thinking about this post for two days now.  A friend, who I have yet to meet in person but I still consider a wonderful friend, has a wonderful and amazing blog that she writes with her husband; Love Like This Life

Dana posted about something that I think about all the time.  She wondered if she “Can Do This Forever.”

This is a constant thought in my head and one that I haven’t said out loud for fear of repercussion.  Since Dana said it, she got it.  From a quad… 

You know what it made me think of?  The quote I posted a while back from Tara Brach. 

“This is suffering…

Other people experience it too…

I am not alone.


One of my hesitations for not blogging about being a caregiver, is the fear that a quadriplegic, paraplegic, disabled individual or anyone dealing with a chronic condition, will tell me that I’m wrong.  That someone will tell me that I shouldn’t have these feelings.  That someone will tell me to suck it up and stop blogging.   

That’s essentially what Dana received and it made me angry.  And very sad.  

I thought about it and realized I was more sad than angry because someone couldn’t be kind through their pain and suffering.  

Caregivers suffer.  Usually in silence.  And it’s time that stopped. 

Being a caregiver is hard.  IT IS!  And we’re allowed to say it is.  

We’re also allowed to complain.  And question.  And be frustrated.  

We are human too.  

BUT the gentleman who left the comment is right in that it’s what we do after we complain.  

I can honestly say that Dana does NOT sit around and complain and not do a damn thing about it.  That lady is amazing and has done everything she can with her life and her awesome husband.  She has made her life and her marriage the best it can be.  But she also knows that despite how wonderful things are, this life is hard.  

This life, being a spousal caregiver to a quadriplegic, is not for the faint of heart.  It is an incredibly tough journey that I didn’t sign up for originally but I did make a choice to stick around and be happy. 

Because of my choice, I’m making damn sure I’m doing the best I can to have a good life.  HOWEVER, I am human.  I complain about our life.  I gripe.  I blog about the tough times.  I do.  Not a lot, for fear of persecution.  But I do.   

And it’s ok.  

I do it for me.  For my husband; the quad.  I do it for the others who are in my shoes.  Who know how difficult times can be.  

I do it for the times that I sit on the floor of my kitchen sobbing. 

I do it for the times I feel alone. 

I do it for the times I feel like the quad won’t listen to me. 

I do it for the women who hurt as much as I do.  For those who want a normal life but know it is just out of reach.  

I do it for those women who love their husbands so much that they are willing to give up everything for them and take their place.  

Yes, I would.  I would take my husband’s place.  And don’t you dare call me a liar.  I have BEGGED the universe to let us trade places.  

But that is not our life.  THIS is our life.  It is hard.  It is messy.  It is painful.  That is what life is…  but we do the best we can to make it the best it can be… 

We hug.  We laugh.  We enjoy each other.  And we listen when we’re sad.  We listen to each other when we complain.  We listen and we help each other.  And we both realize that we’re suffering, just in different ways. 

I wish that those out there who are suffering in ways visible to others would realize that so many are suffering in silence.  I wish they could take a minute and stand in someone else’s shoes to see what it’s like.  And that we would all be kind. 

I will work on it.  Will you?

4 thoughts on “A caregiver’s plea

    1. Thanks Robin! I agree that we need to stick together and support each other. Glad you to have you as support.

  1. This is your blog, do not be afraid to write life as it is. I always enjoy your honesty. I remember when my Dad was fully paralyzed by motor neurone disease, we had many days in which we all moaned and cried and bitched about life and caring, but equally we laughed and loved and cherished each other. It is just expressing yourself. This blog should be your release.
    As for being kind i have no doubt that with your life’s experiences you would be kind.

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