One minute at a time…

I have panic attacks.  Yea, super awesome, right?!

I have had them since I was in middle school and, at this point in my life, deal with them quite well.  If I get them, which I don’t often, I get them at night – usually right before I fall asleep.  And I get them because of a specific fear, or so I thought…

I have a fear.  A fear of dying.  No, it doesn’t make sense.  It never has for me.  But I’m afraid of it and if I think about it too much, I get a panic attack.

Weird right?  I think so too.  

And it’s funny (funny, weird, not ha ha), since thinking about certain topics can trigger a panic attack.  Space for example…  again, I have no idea why but it happens.  I watch a program on space and BOOM, panic attack.  Not always though.

Anyway, tonight, I had one.  but not a typical one and it wasn’t because I was thinking about dying.  

Tonight, I had a slow growing one…  I didn’t like it.  

The panic attacks I’m used to come on quick and fast and leave just as quick and fast.  In about 2.2 seconds, I’m hyperventilating (tough word to spell) and I need to run or move like nobody’s business (hello, fight or flight response).  But I know what’s happening, get myself together and 2.2 seconds later, I’m breathing deeply and relaxing and it’s over.

Not tonight.  

The past few days have been tough; mentally, physically and emotionally.  And when those three build, I get overwhelmed.  And apparently it leads to panic attacks.


BUT tonight, once I recognized it for what it was, I was able to actually do something about it and calm myself down.  And then I had to give myself some tough talk.  Yes, I tough talk myself…

“Come on, Erin.  You can do this.  This isn’t that hard.  Deep breath.”

Deep breath….  In….  Out…   

“One step at a time.  One day at a time.  One hour at a time.  One minute at a time.  I can do this.”

That is my mantra.  I repeat it daily.  Chant it really…  

Sometimes I need a reminder that I can keep doing this…  but that in order to keep going, I need to take it in small doses and that’s okay.  

It’s okay to panic.  It’s okay to freak out.  It’s okay to think that you can’t do this anymore…  as long as you slow down, breath deeply and remember that you can keep doing it.

I can keep doing it.  

One step at a time.  One day at a time.  One hour at a time.  One minute at a time.  I can do this.

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