I miss you.
I miss what we had. I miss seeing you. I miss hanging out with you.
I miss our carefree hangouts.
I miss going to concerts.
I miss meeting you for a drink after work.
I miss going shopping on the weekends.
I miss seeing you.
But most of all, I miss knowing I could tell you everything that was on my mind knowing you were listening and understanding.
Friendships come and friendships go and I am incredibly lucky to have so many wonderful friends in my life.
However, every single one of my friendships has been affected by the quad’s spinal cord injury and the fact that I am his primary caregiver.
To those who don’t understand, our life is incredibly hard to explain. It’s hard to explain the responsibility. The exhaustion. The stress. The planning needed to make a night out happen.
I know I don’t call. I know I barely answer the phone. But I want to… I do. I just don’t have the energy.
At night, when I get home, my focus is my family and ensuring they are taken care of and happy. Then, when all is quiet, the focus is on me. When that happens, I barely have enough energy to wash my face and brush my teeth before falling into bed.
So I cannot talk on the phone. And I forget to email you back. I forget to RSVP. I forget to make plans.
And because of my forgetfulness and exhaustion, my friendships have suffered. and my heart hurts. because I need my friends.
You are my life. You are in my heart. Each and everyone one of you.
Friendships are incredibly special to me. You are the family that I get to choose. You are my sisters and brothers that my parents never gave me.
I love you all dearly and I know that I haven’t done enough to show you over the past five and a half years. And for that, I am sorry.
I miss you. all of you. each and every single one of you.
I think about you daily. I laugh at the memories. I follow you on facebook. I wish I could see you. hug you. laugh with you.
But I can’t.
So, instead, I have to miss you and I wonder if you miss me too.